So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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