we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
