i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
