The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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