then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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