Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I supernannyed him into submission
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
