On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
