my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize