it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize