It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
