i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
