So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
