he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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