first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
