well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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