Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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