This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Boobs speak an international language.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Someone signed my nipple.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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