u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
