I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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