They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize
