if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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