is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
