Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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