Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
