i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
