There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
