So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
