Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
