i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
