New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
