Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This baby is an asshole
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
