Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
