i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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