to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
