I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
