is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
