you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
