Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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