I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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