do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
