i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
