Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
