so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
