I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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