She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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