Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
