Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
