I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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