NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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