i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
