Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
