Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
