i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
