I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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