this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
