your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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