i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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