so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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