so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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