going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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