I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
